Month: July 2023

“Does anyone want some punch?” “Yes please” Dad punches me in the arm.

What do you call a guy with a paper bag on his head? Russell

At a lodge where they have a mounted moose head on the wall “Gee, it must have been running pretty fast when it hit that wall”

Mum: Would you like your soup served in a mug or a bowl? Dad: A bowl please… because I like watching the “souper bowl”

My sister was stealing nuts from my dad and dad said: dont let me cashew stealing my nuts again or it walnut be pretty

A family of tomatoes were walking down the street. The youngest tomato was being silly lagging behind and then unfortunately he was stepped on. The mother tomato turned around and said “ketch-up”

What is the angriest type of bread?? A croissant

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer, the barman asks “how do you intend to pay for this” and the duck replies “just put it on my bill”.

Dad says to me: “what do you call an Irishman who makes doors?” Me: what? Dad: “Paddy O’Doors”

A runner with impaired vision won the race, it was out of sight