Month: August 2022

i was really upset when my satnav got stolen. I didn’t know where to turn.

What is the less technical term for dental x-rays? Tooth pics!

A man walked into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He said I’ll have a beer and one for the road.

How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, “Doc, I’m just not feeling well.” The doctor replies, “Maybe you’re not eating right.”

Two olives are having dinner and one asks “Would you like some more?” the second olive replies “No thank you, I’m stuffed” I got an odd job man in. He was useless: gave him a list of 8 things and he only did 1,3,5 and 7.

I tried doing some research on clouds, but the details were a bit foggy

I found a 6 metre roll of bubble wrap at work this morning.”What do you want me to do with this?” I asked my boss.”Just pop it in the corner,” he said. 6 hours it took me!

Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, “I don’t know about this. We’ve been out here all day and haven’t caught a single duck. Do you think we’re doing something wrong?” “I don’t know,” replied the other. “Maybe we’re not throwing the dog high enough

A barman offered me a whisky for 20 pence. I said “that’s a cheap shot and you know it”