Month: January 2023

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but theres a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there is a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers. Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a huge limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done. Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline

I thought I saw Michael J Fox in a garden centre the other day!! I can’t be too sure though, he had his ‘back to the fuchsias’…

A man was driving down the high way having a smoke. He goes to light up another one when his sleeve caught alight. He puts his flaming arm out the window trying to douse the fire. once its out he proceeds to drive normally until some police men pull him up. The cop approaches his car and says, ”sir we are lead to believe you have an illegal firearm”

I was lost in life when I decided that playing Billiards was my preferred career choice. It was where I got my first break.

Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors? Because if it had 4 door it’d be a chicken sedan…

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry but you scared the daylights out of me.” The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. For the last 25 years I’ve been driving a funeral car.”

What do you get when you cross Count Dracula with a snowman? Frostbite

A copper knocked on My door the other night and and asked if I own a Dog….I said yes.. Well said the Copper…We’ve just had a complaint that he chased a man on his Bike….Don’t be stupid I said to the Copper….My Dog doesn’t own a Bike …let alone how to ride one…