Month: March 2026

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well they’re not laughing now.

I renamed the printer at home Bob Marley. .. because it’s always jamming…

I hear there’s some guy going around and stealing Red Bull and coffee from the poor. I don’t know how he can sleep at night.

I went into the pub and asked if they did cash back. “Yes we do” replied the barmaid. “Good,” I said. “Can I have the £40 I spent last night? The wife’s going mental..

A Boeing 747 (4 engine plane) is flying through the sky when suddenly number 1 engine fails. The captain says “good morning ladies and gentleman we have had a engine failure and we will be delayed by 10 minutes”. Then number 2 engine fails and the captain says “sorry ladies and gentleman we will be delayed by 20 minutes” then number 3 engine fails and the caption says “we will be delayed by 30 minutes” then a passenger says “well if we loose the next engine we will be up here all day”.

About to microwave some fruit. Getting ready for a hot date.

I came across a list of ingredients to make plastic explosives. I thought to myself, “Boy this looks like a real recipe for disaster!”

I can’t believe pretzels are knot bread

Big W have moved all their floor plan around and I was quite lost, so I asked a sales Girl, “Where is the Stationery?” She said, “Aisle 3…… It hasn’t moved…….”

Imagine choking to death from a life saver