3 turtles walk into a bar, 1 sits at the piano and starts playing while the other 2 start singing along. The barman was astounded, and asked the 2 singing where they learnt to sing like that. To which they pointed to the one on the piano and said “he tortois…”
Doctor, Doctor, I’ve got a strawberry growing out of my head! It’s OK son, I’ve got some cream to put on that…
Jimmy: Hey timmy, what is the smelliest bird you have ever seen? Timmy: I dunno Jimmy, I thought they were all foul
If Wolverine was a lumberjack he’d be Huge Axeman.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will track you down. You have my Word
What’s Bob the Builder after he has retired? Bob.
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity, its impossible to put down.
Why did the chicken join the gym? To work on his pecks!