Author: DJAdmin

I saw a fat magician recently. He certainly had a few twix up his sleeve…

As the chicken was crossing the road, it was nearly hit by a car. The driver swerved out of the way and when he had control of the car again, he pulled over. Upon walking back to the chicken, he apologised but the chicken let out an abusive rant about the man’s driving skills. When the man got back into his car after the ordeal, he was visibly shaken. “Are you alright” his wife asked. “Yes I’m fine” he said “I’m just not used to hearing such fowl language”

I’ve got a dog called Minton. He has a habit of eating shuttlecocks. Bad Minton!

It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.

i was really upset when my satnav got stolen. I didn’t know where to turn.

What is the less technical term for dental x-rays? Tooth pics!

A man walked into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He said I’ll have a beer and one for the road.

How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, “Doc, I’m just not feeling well.” The doctor replies, “Maybe you’re not eating right.”

Two olives are having dinner and one asks “Would you like some more?” the second olive replies “No thank you, I’m stuffed” I got an odd job man in. He was useless: gave him a list of 8 things and he only did 1,3,5 and 7.