Author: DJAdmin

Imagine choking to death from a life saver

Dad walks into a pizza shop and orders a large pizza for the family saying “but just cut it into 4 slices today as we’re not very hungry” Staff politely laugh because he say it every single week.

Darn socks… I got a hole in them.

A man went up to my friend in the library and said “Do you have a bookmark?” He replied “We’ve got thousands – and my name is Sean!”

I found a rock today that measured 1,760 yards. Must be some kind of mile stone.

I was really disappointed with my camping insurance. Someone stole my tent in the night and I wasn’t covered.

My girlfriend dumped me for always taking things too far. So I called the police.

Rats are under rated. Check your dictionary.

What do you call 1000 dead chickpeas? Hummuscide.

I sometimes use phrases I don’t understand and vice versa