Author: DJAdmin

Why are there no pain killers in the jungle? Because parrots-eat-em-all…

To the guy that returned my empty wallet.… I don’t know how to repay you

To the woman who helped me find my way when I was lost in the labyrinth, I think you’re amazing.

These so-called ‘foodbanks’ are a total rip-off. I deposited some cake at my local one last week, and when I went to take it out today they said they’d given it away to someone else. Unbelievable.

I answered the phone today and all I heard was sneezing & coughing. Another cold caller.

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. Well they’re not laughing now.

I renamed the printer at home Bob Marley. .. because it’s always jamming…

I hear there’s some guy going around and stealing Red Bull and coffee from the poor. I don’t know how he can sleep at night.

I went into the pub and asked if they did cash back. “Yes we do” replied the barmaid. “Good,” I said. “Can I have the £40 I spent last night? The wife’s going mental..

A Boeing 747 (4 engine plane) is flying through the sky when suddenly number 1 engine fails. The captain says “good morning ladies and gentleman we have had a engine failure and we will be delayed by 10 minutes”. Then number 2 engine fails and the captain says “sorry ladies and gentleman we will be delayed by 20 minutes” then number 3 engine fails and the caption says “we will be delayed by 30 minutes” then a passenger says “well if we loose the next engine we will be up here all day”.