Author: DJAdmin

My girlfriend dumped me for always taking things too far. So I called the police.

Rats are under rated. Check your dictionary.

What do you call 1000 dead chickpeas? Hummuscide.

I sometimes use phrases I don’t understand and vice versa

I asked my friend where his teacher grew up. He said “Alaska” I said “Don’t bother. I’ll ask her myself”

What did the bowl study for at University? A Spatula of Arts!

I’ve been asked to write a feature on the pros and cons of the iPhone versus a packet of Jaffa Cakes. But I said this was pointless as it was like comparing apples with oranges!

A man said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

“Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?” asked my mate. “Go on then,” I replied. “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” he screamed. I said, “That’s Superman.” He said, “Thanks, I’ve been practising.”

Why shouldn’t you date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.